It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
