She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
