I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
