He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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