My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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