Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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