I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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