Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I love you. Go after that dick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
