Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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