i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
