We won't sleep together?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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