oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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