apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
