sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's always time for handjobs
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
