for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize