You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
