I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
