How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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