There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
