the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
