May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i think i just lost a toe
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
