She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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