what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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