Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
