he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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