We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
