that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
