The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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