Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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