If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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