HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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