if i can run in heels then i can drive
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The struggles of a small town man whore
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
