I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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