Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize