No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
