This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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