If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
