If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
