How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
