we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
