I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
