The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
