Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
