My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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