tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
