As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
