I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize