Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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