Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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