so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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