I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
