if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
