Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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