a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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