You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
