She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
