3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize