How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
