Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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