His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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