OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
