and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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