i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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