Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
