Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him

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(937): View more from Ohio

He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home

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(417): View more from Missouri

Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous

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(425): View more from Washington

You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.

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