So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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