i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
