Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
